Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 26

Day 26 ~ Saturday, June 25, 2011.

Tonight's Mass spoke to me so very much.  I actually felt that it was just me and God in Church and He was reassuring me of everything.  Along with answering a prayer for me, just minutes after I uttered it in my mind. 

Our readings at Mass tonight were the same as the Bible study this week, which just made me feel so comforted.  Deacon Francis had an awesome homily about the Eucharist and an incident involving the Eucharist in Buenos Aires in 1996 and an 8th century priest in Italy.  It was again confirmation I needed straight from the LORD. 

During the Consecration of the Eucharist I prayed for complete healing along with all the ladies in the Hidden Joy Bible Study.  Right after that Father Ed said "Dear Father in Heaven thank you for the pain in our lives and that through You we have joy as well.  That's what the Cross stands for joy in spite of the pain, joy through Christ despite the pain of the world."  I KNOW God delivered that just for me.  And it moved me to tears. 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 25 (part 2)

The questions I posted for Day 25 (Friday, June 24, 2011) were actually done on Friday night.  Friday morning I had another heart to heart with God:

This morning as I was getting ready for work I prayed that God would reveal His plan or purpose to me in regards to my son.  I asked Him to open my heart, my eyes, my ears so I could hear Him.  Show me where I go from here, how I move forward.  How to live out my life verse.  I am sick of feeling sad and angry over my son's issues in life.  I talked to Him saying "I trust You, I have seen how You have worked in my life LORD ~ You are enough for me!  Most people who go through trials don't have them last over 20 years each and every day!  How much more LORD"  Then I had an answer ~ if I wasn't so stubborn I would have been out of the fire long ago.  So I changed my prayer to "LORD You are enough.  I am going to have faith and trust in You instead of asking the same questions. I am going to ask You to help me look for the smallest treasure, I am going to ask 'what are You trying to teach me, show me, removed from me?'  What do You ask of me LORD, and then I am going to believe and trust that You will provide me the strength to accomplish it for Your glory"

Chapter 4 Prayer

Heavenly Father, it is so difficult to walk through darkness. You feel so far away. I feel so alone. Father, thank You for Your promise that You will never leave me or forsake me and that there is nothing in all creation that will ever separate me from the love I have in Your Son, Jesus.  Thank You for Your promise that You will bring good out of anything that enters my life when I love You and trust You to use it for Your purposes.  Lord, I cling to that promise now. I also claim Your promise that You have a plan and a purpose for my life, and it is to prosper and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. Walk ever so closely with me during this darkness, Lord, and show me treasures.  Thank You that You will bring beauty from ashes. I ask all these things in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Someone posted on my Facebook page and it touched me greatly: 

Thanking ME for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first.  But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart.  Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems. 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 25 (part 1)

Day 25 of Hidden Joy Bible Study was on Friday, June 24, 2011.  Today's assignment was to pray the prayer for Chapter 4 and to catch up ~ that's good because I needed a catch up day :)

Questions 4 - 6 for Chapter 4

4.  Are you harboring anger against God for something that has happened in your past or something going on right now?  At times I do think that I have some anger against God.  I came to this conclusion on two occasion:  Holy Thursday and last week:

• Holy Thursday ~ The choir sang a song that was my grandfather's favorite hymn of all times and all the sudden I was transformed to his funeral.  I was 9 years old sitting in front of my grandfather's casket, knowing my safe harbor in life was gone.  It was  defining moment in my life, one that I don't think I have ever got over.  Here I was at 39 years old sitting in my church singing this song but I really was at my grandfather's funeral singing that song....I experienced the pain of losing him all over again, I felt it with the pain of a 9 year old little girl saying good bye to her hero!  I asked God "why, why would you take him from me then ~ YOU knew how much I needed him, he was the only safe place I had!!!  Why would you break a little girls heart twice:  abuse and then taking my hero away.  On Holy Saturday as I was once again in Church the Litany of Saints was being prayed, and I had my answer but this time with a 39 year old woman's heart and mind.  I didn't like the answer but I understood.  God placed on my heart:  "I took him because you were going to tell him.  You know you were his princess, how do you think he would have reacted?  Could you have lived with that, no?  I saved him.  I also needed you to learn that only I AM your savior and your safe harbor, you needed to learn to trust ME"  I didn't like it but I knew exactly how my grandfather would have reacted ~ he would have killed my abuser without a second's hesitation and no I could not have handled my grandfather being in prison ~ that would have killed me more than the abuse ever did. 
• Last week ~ Why I still have so much drama and heartache in my life.  I realized how much anger I had towards God with relation to my son's issues.  I dealt with them last week and now I wouldn't call it anger but more a disappointment, one I am working on.
• 4a.  Prayerfully seek God and ask Him to help you discover the root of your anger. Dear LORD, I know at times I am angry at my life and the hardships ~ sometimes I am not even sure why I am so angry.  Please show me where all this anger and bitterness is coming from ~ I believe I know but I can't be sure since I have never brought it to You.  LORD You alone know my deepest thoughts and emotions, reveal to me why I am always so angry even in the midst of a good life filled with blessings.
• 4b.  Are you willing to release your anger and trust Him in the midst of His refining work?  Write a prayer releasing any anger, bitterness or resentment you harbor in your heart.  Dear LORD You know the root of my anger even if I don't.  I no longer want to carry any anger, bitterness, resentment or jealousy around.  I do not want to be separated from You because of the anger within me.  I release all negative emotions of any sort to You ~ I place them at Your Cross.  I only want Your love to reside in my heart.  I want to know You and show You to those I meet.  I trust in Your love for me; You have shown me time and time again Your deep love for me.  Please release all anger, bitterness, resentment and jealousy from my heart, body and soul.  Please LORD come dwell in the spirit of my heart, mind and soul.  Amen!!

{Number 5  is the conclusion to the story from the previous post}

5.  In this Chapter, you read about "treasures in the darkness."  As you have walked in darkness in the past (or now) have you experienced treasures in the darkness?  Have you seen the beauty of God in the midst of a difficult and painful trial?  Yes, at the time I noticed it and its what sticks out in my mind the most about that year I was out of work due to the car accident.  We had many treasures even as our world was falling apart.  Wow where to begin, there are so many I am going to list them as they come to mind in no particular order:

• I got to be home with my kids
• From that point on my kids didn't have to attend daycare or have baby sitter.
• To be able to provide Christmas gifts cheaply, I learned to can jams and salsa which is something I enjoy very much even now 11 years later.
• Larry is owner of his company now because of that year.
• We are almost debt free now because of that time.
• We learned the value of Christmas and true gifts.
• I lost my full time job but my boss made a part time position for me
• I was able to work and be home after school with the kids.
• The bank never asked us to personally pay back the loans from our rental business.
• We learned how to get by on very little.
• We thanked God for the lessons we learned and for taking care of each day.
• We are where we are today because of God's mercy and love for us in 2000 and 2001.

6.  Read Psalm 139: 23-24.  Ask God to test you and know your anxious thoughts and to show you if there is any offensive way in you.

• 6a.  What things did God bring to mind?  I am too critical of others.  I always have to be right.  I need to treat my family kinder. 
• 6b.  Are you willing to let God work to change those things in your life?  Absolutely!!!
• 6c.  If yes, what practical steps can you take to change or remove these things from your life?  Ironically the number 1 thing I can do is something we all learned at a very young age:  Treat people how you want to be treated ~ with love, kindness, respect, make them feel important instead of treating them as if they are a burden.  Look for ways to enjoy their company and focus on them when I am with them.  My life verse fits here perfectly ~ irony or God's love letter?  I say God's love letter!!

A prayer the LORD put on my heart: 

Dear LORD, I thank You for Wendy, Melissa and for each of the 3200 plus women who are taking part in this study. I thank You for the healing taking place in me, for the huge breakthrough yesterday. For the answers You are providing me with, for the courage to climb out of the pit and begin to live. For the work You have begun in me when I didn't even know it. For the friendships You have given to me. For the return of hope, joy and expectation. Thank You for showing me Your Truths ~ Truths that tell me I am loved, that I matter, that I am beautiful just as I am. Thank You for the freedom that I have no need to compare myself to anyone else in beauty, in talents, in motherhood or in any area! I ask You LORD to bless each woman who is taking part in this study. LORD You know their hearts ~ their hurts, their fears, their pasts but also their futures!!! Give each of us Your courage, Your strength and Your love so that we may bring You glory through our healing. May we cling to You on those days when the darkness seems to be closing in and may each day shine a bit more light than the day before. Thank You Father for Your Son and the mercies that are new everyday. Help us to remember You are bigger than any of our doubts, fears, worries, or problems. You sent Your Son to give us life. May Your Will be done today and everyday of our lives. Amen.