Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 28

Today is Day 28 of the Hidden Joy Bible Study.  There was a surprise post on the blog this morning from Melissa (Melissa Taylor Blog) letting us know that Wendy sent us a special message. 

Today's assignment:

Monday- Read Chapter 5, On the Mat in your Hidden Joy book.  Highlight the parts of the chapter that stick out to you or you want to remember.  Share on the blog today how this chapter speaks to you in your life.

Monday- Conference Call #2.  Our guests are Dr. Kris Colangelo and Stephanie Clayton.  Kris will be sharing her personal journey through doubt, discouragement, and pain but also how her faith has sustained her through it all. You will love Kris and I can’t wait for you to hear from her.   Stephanie will be moving out of the role of professional counselor and into the role of victim/survivor. Yes, we will hear Steph’s story tonight. The message on tonight’s call is: It’s Time to Go: The Faith to Move Forward.

My Notes on Chapter 5:

This Chapter is just as powerful as Chapter 4, I have underlined almost all of the Chapter!!!  I haven't had time to really journal about it yet but it's powerful.  I will update this post with my journal entries and conference call notes later tonight!!!

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 27

I am FINALLY all caught up and just in time, this week starts Week 5 of the Hidden Joy Study.  Melissa posted this week's assignment's over at Melissa Taylor ~ Week 5

Words of the Week:

Move

Whatever

Sunday- Those of you who signed up for Renee Swope’s 7 Day Doubt Diet, visit Renee’s blog for details. The diet begins today.

Monday- Read Chapter 5, On the Mat in your Hidden Joy book.  Highlight the parts of the chapter that stick out to you or you want to remember.  Share on the blog today how this chapter speaks to you in your life.

Monday- Conference Call #2.  It’s still not too late to sign up for these awesome calls! Just call 877-731-4663 to get signed up. Only $15 for the entire series. Each call is recorded so you will never miss a thing.  Tonight’s call begins at 8 pm EST.  Our guests are Dr. Kris Colangelo and Stephanie Clayton.  Kris will be sharing her personal journey through doubt, discouragement, and pain but also how her faith has sustained her through it all. You will love Kris and I can’t wait for you to hear from her.   Stephanie will be moving out of the role of professional counselor and into the role of victim/survivor. Yes, we will hear Steph’s story tonight. The message on tonight’s call is: It’s Time to Go: The Faith to Move Forward.  If you signed up for these calls, look for your email with all the information and outline by 4:00 pm EST today.

Tuesday- Wendy Blight opens up Chapter 5 with this sentence, “What I truly desired was a new beginning.”   What is it that you are desiring in your life?   Take your journal and write about your desires.  Your dreams.  Your prayers.  Then speak them outloud.  Give them to the Lord.  Then ask God what He desires for you.  Write down what you believe the answer to that question is.  Write it down in your journal.  Compare your desires with God’s desires.  Do they match?

Wednesday- Answer questions 1-4 in the Bible study section of Hidden Joy. (p. 188-190)

Wednesday- Check the blog. We’ll be having simple lesson on blog and social media etiquette.

Thursday- Answer questions 5-6 in the Bible study section of Hidden Joy.

Friday- Pray the prayer with Wendy on p. 190.  Catch up on anything you might have miss this week.

That's as far as I have gotten since I played catch up with Week 4.  Stay tuned for what this week brings.  God is good, all the time!!!! 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 25 (part 2)

The questions I posted for Day 25 (Friday, June 24, 2011) were actually done on Friday night.  Friday morning I had another heart to heart with God:

This morning as I was getting ready for work I prayed that God would reveal His plan or purpose to me in regards to my son.  I asked Him to open my heart, my eyes, my ears so I could hear Him.  Show me where I go from here, how I move forward.  How to live out my life verse.  I am sick of feeling sad and angry over my son's issues in life.  I talked to Him saying "I trust You, I have seen how You have worked in my life LORD ~ You are enough for me!  Most people who go through trials don't have them last over 20 years each and every day!  How much more LORD"  Then I had an answer ~ if I wasn't so stubborn I would have been out of the fire long ago.  So I changed my prayer to "LORD You are enough.  I am going to have faith and trust in You instead of asking the same questions. I am going to ask You to help me look for the smallest treasure, I am going to ask 'what are You trying to teach me, show me, removed from me?'  What do You ask of me LORD, and then I am going to believe and trust that You will provide me the strength to accomplish it for Your glory"

Chapter 4 Prayer

Heavenly Father, it is so difficult to walk through darkness. You feel so far away. I feel so alone. Father, thank You for Your promise that You will never leave me or forsake me and that there is nothing in all creation that will ever separate me from the love I have in Your Son, Jesus.  Thank You for Your promise that You will bring good out of anything that enters my life when I love You and trust You to use it for Your purposes.  Lord, I cling to that promise now. I also claim Your promise that You have a plan and a purpose for my life, and it is to prosper and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. Walk ever so closely with me during this darkness, Lord, and show me treasures.  Thank You that You will bring beauty from ashes. I ask all these things in Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Someone posted on my Facebook page and it touched me greatly: 

Thanking ME for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first.  But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart.  Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems. 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 25 (part 1)

Day 25 of Hidden Joy Bible Study was on Friday, June 24, 2011.  Today's assignment was to pray the prayer for Chapter 4 and to catch up ~ that's good because I needed a catch up day :)

Questions 4 - 6 for Chapter 4

4.  Are you harboring anger against God for something that has happened in your past or something going on right now?  At times I do think that I have some anger against God.  I came to this conclusion on two occasion:  Holy Thursday and last week:

• Holy Thursday ~ The choir sang a song that was my grandfather's favorite hymn of all times and all the sudden I was transformed to his funeral.  I was 9 years old sitting in front of my grandfather's casket, knowing my safe harbor in life was gone.  It was  defining moment in my life, one that I don't think I have ever got over.  Here I was at 39 years old sitting in my church singing this song but I really was at my grandfather's funeral singing that song....I experienced the pain of losing him all over again, I felt it with the pain of a 9 year old little girl saying good bye to her hero!  I asked God "why, why would you take him from me then ~ YOU knew how much I needed him, he was the only safe place I had!!!  Why would you break a little girls heart twice:  abuse and then taking my hero away.  On Holy Saturday as I was once again in Church the Litany of Saints was being prayed, and I had my answer but this time with a 39 year old woman's heart and mind.  I didn't like the answer but I understood.  God placed on my heart:  "I took him because you were going to tell him.  You know you were his princess, how do you think he would have reacted?  Could you have lived with that, no?  I saved him.  I also needed you to learn that only I AM your savior and your safe harbor, you needed to learn to trust ME"  I didn't like it but I knew exactly how my grandfather would have reacted ~ he would have killed my abuser without a second's hesitation and no I could not have handled my grandfather being in prison ~ that would have killed me more than the abuse ever did. 
• Last week ~ Why I still have so much drama and heartache in my life.  I realized how much anger I had towards God with relation to my son's issues.  I dealt with them last week and now I wouldn't call it anger but more a disappointment, one I am working on.
• 4a.  Prayerfully seek God and ask Him to help you discover the root of your anger. Dear LORD, I know at times I am angry at my life and the hardships ~ sometimes I am not even sure why I am so angry.  Please show me where all this anger and bitterness is coming from ~ I believe I know but I can't be sure since I have never brought it to You.  LORD You alone know my deepest thoughts and emotions, reveal to me why I am always so angry even in the midst of a good life filled with blessings.
• 4b.  Are you willing to release your anger and trust Him in the midst of His refining work?  Write a prayer releasing any anger, bitterness or resentment you harbor in your heart.  Dear LORD You know the root of my anger even if I don't.  I no longer want to carry any anger, bitterness, resentment or jealousy around.  I do not want to be separated from You because of the anger within me.  I release all negative emotions of any sort to You ~ I place them at Your Cross.  I only want Your love to reside in my heart.  I want to know You and show You to those I meet.  I trust in Your love for me; You have shown me time and time again Your deep love for me.  Please release all anger, bitterness, resentment and jealousy from my heart, body and soul.  Please LORD come dwell in the spirit of my heart, mind and soul.  Amen!!

{Number 5  is the conclusion to the story from the previous post}

5.  In this Chapter, you read about "treasures in the darkness."  As you have walked in darkness in the past (or now) have you experienced treasures in the darkness?  Have you seen the beauty of God in the midst of a difficult and painful trial?  Yes, at the time I noticed it and its what sticks out in my mind the most about that year I was out of work due to the car accident.  We had many treasures even as our world was falling apart.  Wow where to begin, there are so many I am going to list them as they come to mind in no particular order:

• I got to be home with my kids
• From that point on my kids didn't have to attend daycare or have baby sitter.
• To be able to provide Christmas gifts cheaply, I learned to can jams and salsa which is something I enjoy very much even now 11 years later.
• Larry is owner of his company now because of that year.
• We are almost debt free now because of that time.
• We learned the value of Christmas and true gifts.
• I lost my full time job but my boss made a part time position for me
• I was able to work and be home after school with the kids.
• The bank never asked us to personally pay back the loans from our rental business.
• We learned how to get by on very little.
• We thanked God for the lessons we learned and for taking care of each day.
• We are where we are today because of God's mercy and love for us in 2000 and 2001.

6.  Read Psalm 139: 23-24.  Ask God to test you and know your anxious thoughts and to show you if there is any offensive way in you.

• 6a.  What things did God bring to mind?  I am too critical of others.  I always have to be right.  I need to treat my family kinder. 
• 6b.  Are you willing to let God work to change those things in your life?  Absolutely!!!
• 6c.  If yes, what practical steps can you take to change or remove these things from your life?  Ironically the number 1 thing I can do is something we all learned at a very young age:  Treat people how you want to be treated ~ with love, kindness, respect, make them feel important instead of treating them as if they are a burden.  Look for ways to enjoy their company and focus on them when I am with them.  My life verse fits here perfectly ~ irony or God's love letter?  I say God's love letter!!

A prayer the LORD put on my heart: 

Dear LORD, I thank You for Wendy, Melissa and for each of the 3200 plus women who are taking part in this study. I thank You for the healing taking place in me, for the huge breakthrough yesterday. For the answers You are providing me with, for the courage to climb out of the pit and begin to live. For the work You have begun in me when I didn't even know it. For the friendships You have given to me. For the return of hope, joy and expectation. Thank You for showing me Your Truths ~ Truths that tell me I am loved, that I matter, that I am beautiful just as I am. Thank You for the freedom that I have no need to compare myself to anyone else in beauty, in talents, in motherhood or in any area! I ask You LORD to bless each woman who is taking part in this study. LORD You know their hearts ~ their hurts, their fears, their pasts but also their futures!!! Give each of us Your courage, Your strength and Your love so that we may bring You glory through our healing. May we cling to You on those days when the darkness seems to be closing in and may each day shine a bit more light than the day before. Thank You Father for Your Son and the mercies that are new everyday. Help us to remember You are bigger than any of our doubts, fears, worries, or problems. You sent Your Son to give us life. May Your Will be done today and everyday of our lives. Amen.

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 24

Day 24 (Thursday, June 23, 2011) Melissa posted on the blog late last night ~ Going on a Doubt Diet!!  It was a great video with Renee Swope and her new book A Confident Heart.  Definitely something you will want to check out.  Melissa and Renee's vlog can be found at Melissa Taylor and Renee Swope

Still behind schedule because I spent the evening playing computer games with my daughter.  Here is a good thought though that came to mind:  This is usually where I would say "never mind, I can't do this ~ I am falling behind there is no use, I am not doing things on time and just perfectly"....BUT instead I am saying "life happens, later is better than never, my family time is just as important to my healing and instead of flying through it and gaining no insight, go slower if need be to let it soak in"

Questions for Chapter 4

1.  Isaiah 61:1 tells us that God sent His Son to "bind up the brokenhearted"  God knows that tests and trials in our lives will bring brokenness and at times even crush our spirits.  He provided hope from that brokenness.

• 1a.  Has your heart ever been or is it now broken?  What are the circumstances that brought you to that place?  My heart has been broken many times:  When I have felt I never matter to anyone.  When I am looking for someone to show love to me and my love is rejected.  When my dad's life and what he wanted mattered more to him then me.  That I don't matter enough to my family.  When I feel disconnected from my husband and he won't share his thoughts and feelings with me.  When it seems I am forgotten.  When the loneliness and emptiness inside get to be too much.  When I feel like I don't belong anywhere.  My biggest heartache though was when my grandpa died and I was 9 ~ he was my hero. 
• 1b.  Does Isaiah 61:1 speak to you in your brokeness?  Oh very much so!!!!  ".....opening of the prison to those who are bound."
• 1c.  When did Jesus put the broken pieces back together?  October 2010 on my silent retreat He led me to the road that was marked with my beginning journey.  Good Friday 2011 ~ I had the same migraine for 3 months at this point and on Holy Thursday I sat in Adoration of my LORD praying, asking for healing but not just healing for the migraine, I wanted healing in my life.  I woke up Good Friday free of pain and the migraine has not returned to that point at all since that day!!!!

2.  Read 1 Peter 4:12 and James 1:2-4

• 2a.  What do these Scriptures tell you about the tests and trials you face in your life?  That we should not be surprised or shocked by trials in this life.  That they are used to strengthen us, shape us and increase our faith.
• 2b.  Does this change your perspective?  Yes and no.  No because I always was taught life is not fair, God will not give you more than you can handle, bad things happen to good people and God can take ashes and make them beautiful.  But because of the study and the journey through the healing process it does change how I look at these well know truths. 
• 2c.  Apply the Truths found in these verses to your circumstances.  Basically that I have a choice ~ I can find the joy even in the trials and gain a new found strength or I can sit down, cry and whine about my circumstances.  I don't have to like what I am going through but I can find the joy in Jesus therefore easing the burden. 

3.  In this Chapter, you learned about the refining process and the "Refiner's fire" 

{For those waiting for the story I talked about a week ago, saying it was a long story how God taught us something important ~ this is part of the story, the other part will be posted on Question 5}

• 3a.  Apply this Truth, look back on difficult circumstances you have experienced.  Do you see how these circumstances may have been part of God's refining work in your life?  Yes, absolutely!!!  It was something Larry and I both realized half way through the year I was out of work ~ as we began losing the rental properties.  The LORD was working on us to show us we depended on money way more than on Him.  That we were close to worshipping the money.  He showed it in us losing our credit, our properties.  He showed it in being denied disability, in the settlement never increasing, in losing my full time job.
• 3b.  What specific impurities has the Refiner's fire removed from your life?  Trusting and relying on money and a shopping addiction.  We began to grow closer to God, we quit trying to impress people with our possessions.
• 3c.  If you are currently in the Refiner's fire what might God be saying to you through your trial?  That at times I can be very selfish, I expect too much of others and that I can be good at playing the martyr. 

I will be answering questions 4 - 6 tomorrow, Friday, June 24, 2011 ~ Day 25! 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 23

Day 23 (June 22, 2011) was to answer questions 1 through 3 for Chapter 4.  This week the blog and emails have really helped me in my growing to trust God and to learn about myself. It's been a journey that I am so glad I have taken. 

On Tuesday night (June 21, 2011) Melissa posted a vlog late in the evening.  On Wednesday I watched this vlog and I have to tell you about a remarkable breakthrough in my healing that happened on this morning after watching "Don't Quit".  I am unable to write it word for word but let me just say the message was very powerful and insipiring.  If you are interested in watching the vlog, click here: "Don't Quit" vlog by Melissa Taylor

What I took away from the vlog

• Draw from God ~ He is your empowerment.  You can't get it from your mom, sister, friend, drugs or whatever ~ these are only temporary fixes that in the end will leave you still feeling discontent.  Wendy was empowered by God, not on her own, but through God. 
• We all have bad days, everyone does, on those bad days pray to God ask Him for even the slightest bit of good ~ a string to hold on to ~ then hold on with all your might because that string is God's hand.
• Melissa described her "Bummer Summer" in 2005:  Would not get dressed, would not get off the couch even though she had four kids and a husband to care for.  Just wasn't feeling it.  She was in ministry at this time but at the time satan was allowed a foothold to her mind and he convinced Melissa to give up because nothing would change. 
• Melissa continued saying "yes God was trying to change things but I had to meet Him halfway.  She had a choice.  God will not make you get dressed.  He will not make you get off that couch. He will not make you read your Bible.  You have to do your part of the work!!!"  (my note:  I journaled about this the day before this vlog was posted)
• Melissa tells a story of a friend you took Melissa in the middle of July to a gold mine to find "treasures in the darkness" to snap her out of "Bummer Summer" "I was mad, it was hot, I was tired and I couldn't find any gold.  I threw my pan down and said 'I am done.'  Her friend's 4 year old son begins jumping up and down so excited to find some that was no bigger than a pin head.  I looked at him and said 'why are you so excited, look at that tiny piece, you can barely see it, why get excited?' My friend turned to me and said 'look at yourself Melissa, can you not find anything to celebrate?  Not even the smallest thing?  Sometimes you have to dig in the dirt ~ so dig in the dirt.  If you quit you will never find the gold or the treasure meant for you!!"  Melissa said that day changed her life.

That was by far the best post of the Bible study to date.  One that reached out and touched my almost physically.  I so needed to hear that.  I even posted on the blog that sometimes we need to hear "quit your dang crying and get up" from someone who is not our family member. 

So as I was getting ready for work I had a heart to heart talk with God on this matter.  It started with me accepting the fact that for years I was praying for God to maek me into this godly women and then waiting for it to magically happen while I sat in the pit crying out for help.  I had this image come to me that showed me how God sent people to help me crawl out of the pit but they did not fit with my "perfect rescue" I envisioned, so instead of doing what I needed to do I woudl put on this face and tell them "no I am good, I got this, I am okay" and send them away.  Or I would force them away with anger and the walls I built up around my pit!  After talking a bit more to God on this I felt something else on my heart.

I then realized God has been carrying me this whole time ~ if He is carrying me in His arms He can't do any other work for me since I am being carried.  Think of a mother carrying her sick baby all day ~ is she going to get much else done except caring, comforting and loving her child?

I then asked God "how did I get here though, I wasn't alwasy like this? I used to be able to function"  And then my children as small children flashed and I understood.  I was busy caring for my kids and doing all that was required which kept me super busy all the time ~ I knew nothing else.  It wasn't until my died and the sadness I had with her death along with having time on my hands as my children grew up and needed me less.  Then it just became easier to stay in the sadness and say I was still mourning for my mom ~ even fooling myself.  But really what happened is I became lazy, I invited the devil into my life by sitting down in pity.  Maybe all along the blessing in my son's autism is I never had a spare moment to feel sorry for myself.  So I need to dig in the dirt to find the treasures in my children instead of focusing on the dirt!!!

From there an email I received came to my mind, from one of my new friends who said I helped her greatly to see things in a way she wasn't able to before and that she was very thankful.  As I thought on that email I realized that I have always wanted to be called as a servant for God and of course I had these grand ideas of what that meant (but would listen to the devil saying "why would God call you to be His servant? There are better people then you")  Little did I realize even when I didn't feel I was being in a servant role God had been calling me all along, just not in the ways I assumed it would be.  It was by helping one person see the light and have hope again ~ that's pretty big stuff right there, and I am so honored to be able to deliver God's message to her!!!

I asked God to show me what other areas I need to rethink and examine.  He brought to my mind my expectations I place on myself regarding housecleaning.  My house needs to be cleaned thoroughly and organized, I am trying to get it done all at once and it's stressing me out.  He showed me I don't have to get it done all at once (it took years to get it to this point) and I don't need to spend the whole part of my time just doing that to the point I am exhausted and have no energy left to connect with my family.  It also doesn't have to be perfect ~ just clean and functional, not elaborately decorated like out of a magazine (this IS a real home).  I need to ask God to show me how to balance my time.  I need to look to God for my happiness and joy not my home decor or how well organized the house is every second.  Although some organization will keep me enjoying life better by reducing stress.

And that's the wonderful story of how God used a vlog, a book and a Wednesday morning to break through my walls to let healing begin.  I am so happy I could laugh, cry, dance, shout for joy and I want to fly a kite ~ never have I did that before :)

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 22 (part 2)

Still on Day 22 assignment.  I am very behind on posting daily but it has been an extremely busy Friday - Tuesday.  Still not caught up on all my assignment's, but that's okay.  Life happens and I want to live that life!!!

So I would like to get caught up on posting my journal responses for Day 22 (6/21/11).

Pg 53 - Wendy writes "He continued to point me to His Word, where I would find my answers.  The burden was on me.  I had to take the step of faith and look beyond my circumstances.  I had to make a conscious choice to trust Him."  I can feel God tapping me on the arm saying "why would it be different for you?"  I need to do the work, I need to help myself heal and the only way is to let God do His Work in me. (since I am behind I can tell you on Day 23 vlog - this hit home big time!!!!  stay tuned it gets good)

Pg 53 ~ Wendy writes "I too wanted to believe God could heal me, but like the father, I was not sure that I fully trusted God.  I experienced fleeting moments of trust" OH break through moment!!! maybe the reason I suffer from this is because I am fighting for what I think my healing should look like.  What if I asked God what His plan for me healing looked and felt like.  To keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is called insanity.  Maybe if I trusted God fully and followed HIS plan I would see the results of my healing.  I would have a better deeper relationship with Jesus and with my loved ones.

Pg 54 ~ Wendy writes "Just because I believed in God and lived a good life did not guarantee I would not experience deep pain and suffering.  God's Word states the opposite.  It plainly says that painful trials are a part of God's plan for my life......Our suffering has a purpose beyond what we see from our limited perspective."  This is the hard part, this is the part where it matters as a Christian that you really truly have faith and want to walk with Christ. 

Pg 56 ~ Wendy writes about her friend Lendy and the birth of Lendy's child - who was born with Down Syndrome.  She goes on to write "yet Lendy had an uncomprehensible peace.  She trusted God fully and completely."  I want that!!!!  I want to fully trust God in my life, in the lives of my children, in my marriage, in every aspect of my life!  I want to be able to embrace all the LORD has in store for me with gladness and joy, no matter the circumstances.  There is a reason I am mother to my son and daughter, instead of resenting my hardships I need to focus on trusting God and His plan. 

Pg 56 ~ "Lendy has peace; she trusted God with His plan and surrendered hers!"  This is where I need to be refined!  Instead of complaining, moping and being depressed about how things are not as I planned in this season of  my life.  I need to ask God "ok, now what -- what do You want me to learn, to embrace, to focus on?"  Or like a friend said weeks ago "a door that shut is just another chance to find out what God has in store for you" and for some reason that really hit my heart.  I thought "I need to go look for the other door then instead of standing here at this closed door crying and banging on it to open"  I have spent many years banging on that door that consists of my hopes and dreams for my son, instead of looking for that door God opened, I don't even know where to find that door :(

Pg 57 ~ Wendy continues with Lendy's story "in the midst of her suffering, she drew closer to God.  She trusted that God would use this event in her life to accomplish His work"  How long have I caused myself untold grief by through a fit about it not going as I planned?  How much better if I would have sough God's Will for my life and that of my children? How many lies and heartache's and how many more blessings have I missed out on? 

Pg 57 ~ "God alone knows exactly what you and I must endure in order to form His character in us.  It is in our trials that God refines us and removes our impurities.  Like refined gold, when we pass through our trials, people will see His perfect reflection is us."  This is what I strive for...I want people to see Christ when they look at me, I want to proclaim His goodness and His love.  I have always wanted that but I realize I wanted it the easy way and that is not what brings people to Christ.  What brings people to Christ is in SPITE of our trials and circumstances we are still living a life of joy, happiness and love that has nothing to do with our circumstances, our station in life or what we feel ~ it's because we are living with Christ in our hearts!!!

Well still more journaling left so I will break here and post part 3 this afternoon, need to get ready for my day:  work, chiropractor appointment, picking up paint and then painting my daughter's room.  It's Friday people enjoy the weekend. 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 22

Day 22 actually happened on June 21st, I am just late posting.  Today we were to read over Chapter 4 again and write in our journal.  I must say that I probably underlined over half the chapter, that's how much it spoke to me. On different levels too.  It has so far been the best chapter yet.....got me to thinking and got me asking myself some questions as well.  Let's get started with my notes on Chapter 4:

Pg 50 ~ Wendy writes "his words crushed my dreams for prosecution and retribution"  I felt that way too - not so much with my abuse but in other areas.  I am so focused on the punishment and retribution for the one who hurt me that I can't see God.  I am looking for that to heal me and not God's healing. God is telling me "those things are not able to heal ~ only I AM able to give you healing, look to ME not to retribution, let ME do the judging while you focus on the here and now allowing ME to heal your pain"

Pg 50 ~ Wendy says she stopped reading her Bible and rarely prayed.  This has been an ongoing cycle for me for the past 8 years.  I get to a point where I don't want to go read my Bible or pray.  I have never understood this but maybe it's not so unnatural, maybe it's something we have to go through so that we realize how important His Word is in our lives!

Pg 51 ~ God was in control; I was afraid to trust HIM fully.  There it is my two biggest issues ~ control and trust!!!  I want to have control over my life because for so long I never had any control, so now I try to control everything and it's making me miserable.  I need, I want to Trust God fully and give up the control to HIM!!!

Pg 52 ~ Wendy writes "I thought I had faith.  I believed in God. I believed in His Son Jesus Christ.  I believed Jesus died on the Cross for me....But I would not have described my faith as strong." This is something I can relate to.  I believe all those things.  But do I have a strong faith?  I do not believe so ~ I tend to whine first then pray.  It's like I have the book knowledge of it all.  I know allt he answers ~ I just don't feel that my faith comes from my heart and soul.  I want it to but because of the emptiness I feel that half the time I am going through the steps but not living it.  I want and crave to have a deep and abiding faith that trust God unequivocally.

Pg 52 ~ Wendy "If I were honest, I would admit that my level of trust depended on my circumstances" Same here, my moods, words, attitude and thoughts can all change if one of my family is mouthy, irritable, in a bad mood, argumentative, etc.  I let my circumstances at the time decide my mood and trust level.

According to Romans 10:17 ~ Faith comes from hearing the message and the message is heard through the Word of Christ.  Faith comes NOT from circumstances, feelings or emotions but from hearing God's Word.  Faith has nothing to do with circumstances. 

Martin Luther wrote:  We must not judge by what we feel or by what we see before us.  The Word must be followed and we must firmly hold that these truths are to be believed, not experienced.  For the Word must be believed even when we feel and expierence what differs entirely from the Word.

This journaling of Chapter 4 is very long.  So what I am going to do is break it up because literally I think it's 20 pages so far I have journaled before I answered the questions for the Chapter. 

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 20

Day 20 actually happened on June 19th, just late posting.  Today enters week 4!!! Very hard to believe that!  Melissa posted our Week 4 blog today at Melissa Taylor today is just part 1 of the assignments. 

Words of the Week:

Treasure

So That

I’ll explain later, but maybe you can start to examine why I chose these 2 words!

One of my favorite verses of ALL TIME, kicks off Chapter 4:

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”  ~ Isaiah 45:3

Monday and Tuesday- Read Chapter 4, Treasures in the Darkness. In fact, we are going to take 2 days for this one. I think we will need it.  Read it once Monday and highlight portions. Then read it again on Tuesday, making notes in your journal of what God is giving to you as you read.

As always, I’d love for you to share your thoughts on Chapter 4 and the way you are going to take this information and move forward. How do Treaures in the Darkness apply to you personally?

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 18 (part 3)

I never really posted about the Bible Study day 18 (which was on June 17, 2011), so I am going to do that now.  Our assignment on this day was to read and pray the prayer for Chapter 3. I am  working on my post on the story I talked about on my "Day 18" answers.  It will be a separate post b/c it is pretty long and the work God did on us is so amazing, it deserves it's own post. 

Chapter 3 Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come before You today as the Author of Life. We want to thank You that in You is all Truth.  Thank You that Your Word is living and active, it is eternal, and it is unchanging.  Father, take Your Word as I read and study it, and plant it in my heart.  Help it to take root and to grow deep roots.  Allow Your Word to penetrate all those places in my heart that I have been protecting, those places I don't want to let anyone in, even You.  Father, make my heart tender to Your sweet words of life.  Till the soil of my heart so it is ready to receive all You have to teach me.  We ask all these things in Your Son's holy name.  Amen.

 Journal Entry after the prayer


As I was reading/praying the prayer for Chapter 3, it hit me how wonderful ans awesome God really is ~ I have been on this walk with the LORD beginning a couple of months before my mom died ~ my mom died January 26, 2003.  At the time I knew something big was getting ready to happen and I wish I could say I knew my moms time was short but for once and the only time I didn't dream about a family member's death in the weeks before ~ well I did dream a family member would die but it was not my mom I dreamt about.  Anyhow I knew the LORD was guiding me on a journey.


Fast forward to last summer.  I came across Hidden Joy and thought "hmmm wonder if I should read this, maybe I could benefit from it" I even emailed Wendy sharing my story with her and remarking "I wish I could heal from my abuse"  She sent a very nice reply and I never thought of it again.  Well as I said before in October I felt my journey was on fast forward, things were happening so fast and I could tell I was growing more in the LORD and in my faith.


But one thing kept coming up ~ my intimate relationship with my husband, or I should say lack of relationship.  I tried very hard but there was a disconnect there.  I felt like a failure, yada yada (all the negative emotions that I will not even write down b/c I don't want to remember). 


Now fast forward to April 2011 I went to a Girls Night Out event featuring Mandisa and Anita Renfroe.  There again my relationship with my husband came up.  Anita was talking about the book she and her husband wrote together ~ Songs of Solomon Devotions for married couples.  Right away I thought I am going to buy that book.  Then I talked myself out of it. But then I ended up buying the book.  I had Anita sign it and I shared about a 30 second history with her.  I said "my story is not old, I am an abuse survivor (yes I said survivor and I was like what??? no I am a victim) and I feel bad for my husband" she said "he will love it" and I said "I know he will he deserves it after 20 years" she looked me in the eye and said "what is your name...Veronica you deserve it after 20 years, let go" I was in tears!!!


As I look back I can see God has been preparing me for this healing for awhile now.  He needed to do so in small ways to get my mind and heart ready to accept healing.  Yes - I said to ACCEPT healing!!!


Don't I want to be healed?  Why would I need to accept healing?


Sometimes it's harder to be healed because it takes work, you have to do something other than sit in the pit; you have to go outside your comfort zone, you have to face things about yourself and face reality.  When all you have known is sadness, heartache and lies it's hard to hope, it's hard to trust, it's hard to be patient and to the real work that needs to be done.  So do I want to be healed?  Yes I do ~ I am ready to do the hard work and to face my fears, to meet my issues head on.  One of my biggest problems is I want it now!!!  I don't want to be patient but I realize 30 years can't be repaired overnight.  And that even though it's me healing, my world and the relationships around me will change because I am not going to be the same person.  I hope that means the relationships that are important: my husband, my children, my friends and other family members will grow into a deeper relationship filled with love and trust.  But I am also aware that those that are not good for me may go by the wayside because face it, not all the people in my life want me to be healed.  Why?  because some will be jealous, some will realize I won't allow anyone to walk all over me and some because they weren't true friendships/relationships to begin with.  There will be a point when I am aware of who is who.  Those who go away - I am okay with it because I know how much more I will be receiving when I am fully healed through Christ.  Because God is enough for me!!!  I thank God for this journey He started me on long ago without my even realizing it ~ had I known what was coming I don't think I would have had the courage to take that first step.  His ways are not our ways and for that I am extremely thankful :)

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 18

Today's assignment was to pray the prayer for Chapter 3, which I did but also I worked on yesterday's assignments which were to answer questions 4-6.

Questions 4-6

4.  Study the following Scriptures.  Expalin what each says about how God's Word is to relate to your everyday life.  Are there any that speak to you personally?

• Romans 10:17 ~ our faith comes from hearing the Good News about Christ.  This is how we build up our faith.
• 2 Timothy 3:16-17 ~ It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.  God uses this to equip and prepare us to do good work.
• 1 Peter 2:2 ~ like newborns we need milk to survive ~ spiritual milk to gow into a full experience of salvation.
• Proverbs 4:4-5 ~ By taking God's Words to heart, following His commandments we will live.  We gain widsom and develop good judgement by not turning away from His Word.
• Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ~ We should love our God with our whol being - everything we are!!  We are to commit fully to His commands, repeating them over and over to our children.  We are to talk about them when we are at home or away, when we are going to bed and when we are rising.  WE are to write them everywhere as a reminder!

5.  After reading Chapter 3, has your opinion of the Bible changed?  Yes, my opinion has changed.  Before I thought of them as Wendy did....great stories of long ago that didn't really help me now in this day and age.  But I realize if I changed my view just a little and shifted a bit the Bible could speak to me just as Jesus did when He walked with His disciples.  I can't read the Bible in the same way I read any other book.  I need to really let it soak in and let it speak to me asking God to show me what He wants to tell me, then I can hear God through His Word, that Word that never changes!!!  If I personalize the scripture then it becomes a love letter to me from God.  I also realize as great as it is to read scripture for 5 minutes when I get a chance that I need to still meet God quietly for coffee to really grasp what He is trying to speak to me through His Word.  Just as I would meet a friend for coffee and chit chat for a couple of hours. 

6.  Are you willing to give God a chance to show you that His Word can affect and even transform your life?  ~~~YES~~~

6.a Read Isaiah 55:8-11 ~ what could this mean in your life?  It could mean the ride of a lifetime – things I never dreamed possible and a peace even in the stormy days. It could mean living a full life instead of just getting trough the day.

6.b Read the scriptures and apply the promises to your circumstances.

• Jeremiah 29:11 ~ will you trust that God has a plan for your future?  If yes, write out the steps you can talke to walk confidently in that trust.  If no, explain.  yes I do trust there is a plan for my life. I will use the techniques taught during this study: * just do it. * ask what now instead of why me. * spend time alone with God. * capture my thoughts. * use personalized scripture. * use a treasure chest. * remind myself that I am the daughter of The KIND and I always wanted to be a princess * learn to laugh and love. * will not compare myself to other women and most important * I will love myself!!!
• Romans 8:28 ~ will you believe that God can take the difficult circumstances in your life and work them for His and your good?  Have you already seen evidence of the good?  If not, what can you do to realize the promises of this verse?  Yes I do realize He can work the difficult circumstances for His good. Have I seen evidence of this in my life – yes, absolutely it, the answer is in combination with the answer below.
• Deuteronomy 8:2-4 and 2 Corinthians 4:17 ~ describe what scripture says about how God uses difficult times in our lives.  Have you experience this or observed it in the life of another?  God uses the difficult times in our lives to get our attention, to test us, shape us, to make us stronger, to depend on and to need HIM. Yes, I have seen this in my own life. And as I write this I can look back and know that at those times I was far away from God and needed to move closer to Him. Whe issues arise I need to realize that maybe I need to refocus on God and not on myself or others. It’s a signal to start spending time with HIM ~ kinda like your “oil light” going on in your car, if you attend to it things keep running smoothly however if you ignore things start creeping up, if you still ignore it then the “check engine light” comes on. Same concept. I have experienced this in my life back in May 16, 2000. I was in a car accident, at first it seemed minor but it was anything but minor. That car accident kept me from working for over a year and it took almost everything my husband and I had ~ but it also took our pride, our worship of money, our need for things to make us happy, it stripped us bare until we were humbled and made a change. This story is very long so if you would like to read more about it come backk in the next day or two and I will try to get it posted.

Chapter 3 Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come before You today as the Author of Life. We want to thank You that in You is all Truth.  Thank You that Your Word is living and active, it is eternal, and it is unchanging.  Father, take Your Word as I read and study it, and plant it in my heart.  Help it to take root and to grow deep roots.  Allow Your Word to penetrate all those places in my heart that I have been protecting, those places I don't want to let anyone in, even You.  Father, make my heart tender to Your sweet words of life.  Till the soil of my heart so it is ready to receive all You have to teach me.  We ask all these things in Your Son's holy name.  Amen.

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Days 17 & 18

Was not able to post yesterday, too many things to do and not enough time.  I really don't have time to dedicate to posting today either will get caught up next week.  This week is always very busy for me but also a special and blessed week:  We celebrate three events during this week every year (my son's birthday, Father's day and my daughter's birthday) plus this year I have an  extra special event taking place ~ a wedding on Saturday that actually falls on my son's birthday so moving the birthday to tonight, this is how it looks on my calendar:  Friday - wedding decorations in the morning/22nd birthday celebrations for my son.  Saturday - birthday breakfast in the morning/wedding and reception in the afternoon and evening.  Sunday - Father's Day all day. Monday - work all day/daughter's birthday celebrations.  So if you don't see a new post until Tuesday or Wednesday that is why but then I will try to get all caught up.

In the meantime, I will be grabbing small amounts of time to keep up to date on my assignments and writing in my jounral so I don't forget one minute of this journey. 

Yesterday there was an excellent blog post by Melissa at Melissa Taylor Blog for H.J.  titled "Is God Enough"  very powerful devotional, check it out. 

Keep personalizing those scriptures for yourself....they are very powerful!!!!  Until next week my friends remember "if there is love among us ~ all will know we are HIS discpiles
 John 13:35

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 17

Today Melissa had an excellent post on her blog Melissa Taylor

Top 10 Ways You Can Choose Hope and Claim Peace

By Melissa Taylor

10.   Begin by living in the light.  Of course the light of Christ, but also light up your world. Open the blinds. Take a walk in the sunshine.  Turn on some lights in your house.  Listen to music that brightens your mood, not dampens it. Get rid of the misery around you and let light surround you. Invite hope into your life.

9.  Spend time in God’s Word.  I know Christians tell you to do that all the time.  And you probably wish you had more time to do so don’t you?  I get that, I do.  But it’s true that God’s Word is a “lamp to your feet and a light to your path” (Psalm 119:105) And since #10 instructed you to get a little more light in your life, well then give it a try.  Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” (NIV)  The knowledge of the Scriptures affects our attitude toward the present and the future. (Life Application Bible) Attitude is half the battle in gaining a hope perspective that leads to peace. God’s Word can help.

8.  Dismiss depressing thoughts quickly.  Be aware of what you are thinking. Do your thoughts tend to be negative, condemning, or gloomy?  Not much room for hope in the company of those characters. Next time you find yourself dwelling on something depressing, stop it!  You don’t want to do that. 2 Corinthians 10:5b, “…We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ.” (CEV)  So, catch those thoughts, give them up, and listen to Jesus who says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)

7.  Here’s a practical one. List 5 things that bring you hope or 5 things you are hopeful for. Read them when you need to. Can’t think of 5?  Then make them up. You gotta start somewhere.

6.  Don’t give up. “You feel hopeless because you have been using your own power, not because there is no hope.  You feel hopeless because you have been headed in the wrong direction, not because there is not hope.  You feel hopeless because you have cut yourself off from others who could help you and guide you, not because there is not hope…You are not hopeless because there is not hope.  There is hope for you, if you will just persevere long enough to find it.” Stephen Arterburn (from Tammy Maltby’s book Confessions of a Good Christian Girl)   Choose to persevere long enough to find hope.

5.  Choose to be hopeful even when you don’t feel it.  I struggle with this so I remind myself to choose hope.  I wear a bracelet almost every day that says “HOPE” on it.  I have a Willow Tree Angel of Hope in my den. I have Scriptures of hope posted at my desk at work. I’m choosing hope and hope brings me peace. ****When I’m struggling greatly with this, I get help! I talk to a friend, ask my Bible study gals to pray for me, or when it’s been too overwhelming, I have sought professional help. Do whatever it takes, but don’t live life based on your feelings. They can be so fickle. Choose hope. Live in peace. Don’t settle for less.

4. Thank God for your trials and hardships.  Believe me, I know that sounds crazy. These next verses give big time purpose to our trials and suffering, therefore offering peace.  Romans 5:3b-5a, “we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us…” (NIV)  I’ve been through many trials where hope seemed lost and these verses have restored that.  And that brought me peace. Take it for your own.

3.  Take a time out for yourself.  Psalm 46:10 instructs us to do that so we will understand Who is in control.  Remember, when life is chaotic and peace seems far away, get quiet where you can hear God and God alone.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (NIV)

“Calm down and learn that I am God.” (CEV)

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything.” (The Message)

2.  Pray hope and peace for yourself.  Like this:

“Lord, when my peace is broken by problems that come, remind me that You are always there caring about anything and everything that concerns me. I want to praise You through the painful places I walk through so I can rest in Your perfect peace.  Thank You for giving me hope and being my peace.  Please help me have hope and peace today.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen    (portions of this prayer are from Prayers to My King by Sheri Rose Shepherd)

1.  Accept God’s plan for your life.  When you’ve lost hope, you have nothing.  Nothing to look forward to.  Nothing to believe in.  You begin to question if God exists for you or just other people.  This verse tells us very different.  Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God does exist for you.  He has plans for you.  He has a purpose for your life and it is good.  But you have to choose to trust Him.  Choose to accept the hope God offers.  Take it for your own. Look ahead with hope.  As you do, soak in the peace it gives you.  God loves you.  He created you and He had a good reason in doing so.  I pray that you will give Him a chance.  Never lose hope.

Once when my marriage was on the verge on ending, I asked my husband, “Is there any hope for us?”  He replied, “Just an ounce.”  I immediately took that “ounce of hope” to the Lord and asked Him to multiply it. That was my prayer for the months ahead where we fought for our marriage.  The restoration process wasn’t easy, but because I had hope, I was able to hang in there and claim peace.  Peace that didn’t come from my circumstances. Peace that wasn’t a part of my surroundings. It was inside of me.  It came from God.  I had to choose it and I’m so thankful I did.

My Notes, Posts and Thoughts

I once again was beginning to have a rough day, I found myself going back to that place I was at yesterday and knew I needed to snap out of it so I wrote the Bible verses from Chapter 3 in my journal, I started on my Scripture cards and I read through my journal. 

Here is what I posted about my journal entry:

Okay I have been going back through my journal today b/c I could feel myself still in that place I was yesterday. I needed to do something to get me out of it. Here is something I wrote on Holy Thursday this year, a little bit of background (I am Catholic and on Holy Thursday the Priest or Deacon washes the feet of some in the church to represent what Jesus did at the Last Supper) it’s a bit long (sorry, all my posts seem a bit long – don’t know how to whittle my stuff down)

Tonight’s service was very emotional and at the same time healing for me. I cried through most of it, same words I have heard for years yet tonight I heard it in a way that greatly moved me and it seemed to be the first time I ever attended this service. I felt IT (Jesus’ last night and washing HIS disciples feet) with such awareness and emotion. I understood more acutely what HE, my LORD had done for me. And I reviewed some of my not so Christian days and was ashamed that I thought I deserved better, yet my LORD washed HIS disciples feet and died for me – yet I resent the things required of me or that my life is not as I dreamed, but there is Jesus saying “You are MY child” “You are forgiven by this night” “I love you with an everlasting love” not b/c I deserved it or earned it but b/c HE loves, so that HIS glory can be shown through us being newly made in HIM, by HIM and through HIM. I pray on this night a very heartfelt prayer that I believe began in October 2010:

“LORD change me, break me, from who I have been and make me into the woman YOU will – remove everything that is not from YOU and make me reborn into YOUR light and love. Gone is the past and all the tears with it. I look forward and I choose YOU LORD. I love YOU and want to serve YOU, so when people look at me they don’t see me but YOU.”

and from this is my life verse that I wrote that night without even knowing it:

If there is love among you – all will know you are MY disciples” John 13:35

Today I was also reminded to take EVERYTHING to the LORD - why I don't consider that first is beyond me but I will concentrate on doing so.

My personalized Scripture that really speaks to me:

Therefore, since Veronica has been made right in God's sight by faith,

she has peace with God beacuse of what Jesus Christ Our LORD has

done for her.  Because of Veronica's faith Christ has brough her into

this place of undeserved privilege where she now stands and she

confidentily and joyfully looks forward to sharing God's glory. 

Romans 5:1-2

Bible Study ~ Conference Call

Dear LORD thank You so much for the conference calls with Melissa, Stephanie and the ladies from the study. 

Thank you for speaking directly to me and letting me know that it's never too late for healing to take place, no matter how old I am now, no matter how many years have past, or as Melissa says Whhhatttever!!! 

Thank You LORD for everything that was discussed in regards to seeking You and moving forward.  You knew the issues I would have today and as the day ended You provided me a plan.  You showed me Your Light and a way to understanding just as I begged You to this morning. 

Thank You for loving me even when though I threw a major tantrum this morning.  Thank You for providing me answers I needed so desperately and showing me a way to move forward. 

Thank You for every member of this study.  Thank You for my family.  Thank You for my NO MATTER WHAT FRIENDS. 

But mostly Thank You for redeeming me!!!!!  In Jesus Name I pray ~ AMEN!!!

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ day 16

This morning Melissa posted for the Bible study at Melissa Taylor's blog but then she sent us away ~ to visit Stephanie Stephanie Clayton's blog for a vlog from Stephanie about our story and the author of that story, the ultimate Author - God!!!  Very good vlog, one that i will need to watch again as several things touched my heart.

Today's Assignment

Read Chapter 3, God’s Story Unfolds.  Highlight important points in the chapter.  Look up the Scripture verses in your Bible.  Do you have any questions for Melissa?  Please send in questions via email to MelissaTaylorQuestions@gmail.com.  I’ll answer them on this week’s Vlog.

I will post later about my thoughts.....for now I have read part of Chapter 3 and highlighted a lot of statements that Wendy wrote but could have been from me if I knew how to say the things she says.

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 15

Today is going to be an exciting day ~ my son has an art showing today, his first ever!!!

This morning begins our 3rd week of the Hidden Joy Bible Study.  Melissa posted this week's assignments on her blog:  Melissa Taylor ~ Week 3

From Melissa

First I want to talk to my ladies who have just received their books or are still waiting.  Thank you so much for signing up for this Bible study even though you couldn’t start on time or you are still waiting on your book.  Bless you for your patience. I know it’s hard to see others commenting and discussing the chapters when you haven’t been able to read them yet.  I’m so glad you are still hanging in there. I promise you that catching up is not hard. This book is fabulous and you won’t want to put it down anyway.  Just read and do the Bible study portion of the book and catch up when you can.  Don’t skip ahead though. You won’t want to miss anything!

Ladies, I am still just amazed at how many are doing this study together. My heart is so full of love for God and love for all of you. Already I have made some great new friends who have touched my life in a profound way. We even have a new sister in Christ that I am so dang excited about I can hardly stand it! There is so much going on via the blog, Facebook, behind the scenes…God is at work!   Thank you so much for friending me here and becoming such a valuable part of this group.  Your prayers and encouragement uplift me daily.  Thank you for blessing me.

Words of the Week:

Light

Understanding

Psalm 119:130

“The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” (NIV)

“Understanding your word brings light to the mind of ordinary people.”  (CEV)

^“The teaching of your word gives light, so even the simple can understand.” (NLT)

“Break open your words, let the light shine out, let ordinary people see the meaning (understanding).” (The Message)

Some of us have been in the dark for some time. Many of us just don’t understand. This week we are praying Psalm 119:130, for God’s Word to bring us out of the dark, into the light and give us a new understanding.  A new understanding of God. A new understanding of His Word. A new understanding of what’s going on in our lives.

Today's Assignment

Read over the Week 3 Assignments.  Make sure you have your supplies for the week: journal, pen, Hidden Joy book, Bible.  Pray for yourself.  Pray that God will guide you and give you the strength you need.  Pray for Him to reveal wonderful new things to you through this week’s study, to give you understanding.  If you have time, comment on the blog or Facebook page. Post your prayer requests.

My Notes, Thoughts and Posts

*  My post this morning:  It’s so hard for me to grasp that we are entering week 3!!! Some moments I feel like I haven’t made any progress and I am still where I was 3 weeks ago and then some moments I am amazed at the shifts in my thinking, attitude and behaviors!   I really like this weeks words – light and understanding – it’s going to be a great week

*  A post from a someone on the study, these really touched my heart: 

• Trust Me & don’t be afraid for I am your Strength & Song. Do not let fear dissipate your energy, Instead, invest your energy in trusting Me & singing My Song. The battle for control of your mind is fierce, & years of worry have made you vulnerable to the enemy. Therefore, you need to be vigilant in guarding your thoughts. Do not despise this weakness in yourself, since I am using it to draw you closer to Me. Your constant need for Me creates an intimacy that is well worth all the effort. You are not alone in this struggle for your mind. My spirit living within you is ever ready to help in this striving. Ask Him to control your mind; He will bless you with Life & Peace.
• Let Me Help You get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning & your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan & groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace, leaning on Me as much as you need. There will still be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in My strength. Thank Me for each problem you encounter, & watch to see how I transform trials into blessings.

Bible Study ~ Hidden Joy ~ Day 13

Melissa posted a blog today on "Mixing it Up" over at Melissa Taylor Bible Study Blog

Today's Assisgnment

Today we were to pray the prayer for Chapter 2 ~

Heavenly Father, we come before You, our Sovereign and Holy God. Please reveal Yourself to us through Your Word. Make Yourself known in a specific way so that we know that it is You who is at work in our midst. Thank You that You are the One who redeems us from the pit of darkness and despair, You are the One who delivers us from our sorrow and pain, You are the One who brings peace in the midst of a storm, and You are the One who will fill all the empty and hurting places in our hearts. Show us in very real ways how wide and high and deep and long is Your love. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

My Notes, Thoughts and Posts

Today was a day of remembering the awesome things the LORD has done for me.  The times He spoke so clearly and plain to my heart that was so battered and broken.  I basked in the those remembered memories and feelings.  My heart full of hope and joy.  Today I CHOOSE to remember only the promises for God's Word and the feelings of being loved!!  Below are some posts that really touched me and I would like to remember:

*  I read that when we get offended or angry, we can CHOOSE to respond to God or react to people. I also thought of this study and how we are talking about our emotions and pain. When things come up we can CHOOSE to respond to God and believe His Word and what He says about us, or react to our feelings and go into the pit of pity and despair.  OK…I have heard this over and over, by many speakers..that we have a choice. For some reason, I have always felt that was true for others because they didn’t have my circumstances. Somehow last night I realized that I too can CHOOSE…yes me…It was like a lightbulb went on.  I pray for all of us doing this study to realize that we may not have been able to choose what happened, or happens to us, but we can make choices on how to respond now that will affect our future. I pray that this knowledge moves from our heads to our hearts and that the healing that comes will be used by God to help others.

   I responded to this post:  WOW….thank you for sharing. You are so right. I too always thought that as well, ya we have a choice but I never had a choice in what happened to me. But you are right I didn’t have a choice then but I have a choice in front of me everyday!!!!  Thank you for that reminder!

*  Which of these Names God is revealing Himself to you today (please, choose only one – the one that BEST applies today)? Share with us why you made this choice. 

    I responded to this post:  hmmmm…I would have to choose REDEEMER, it’s a long story but will shorten it as much as possible but without some background it doesn’t have the same impact. So here it goes:

    Rough childhood (yada yada – you all can figure that out), always wanted my dad’s approval and love – never felt like I got it. Growing up he was very voilatile and I was afraid of him, he was never there for me growing up…his biker buddies were more important to him, he broke promises all the time. Fast forward to I am newly married have two babies, we moved to my husband’s home state, moved in with his parents, it’s around 11:00 at night and my MIL gets angry about something my toddler did – she literally kicks me out in the middle of the night with 2 babies and I have only been in the state for a week I can’t even find my way to the grocery store, she said if I didn’t leave immediately she would call the cops on me (hubby was working graveyard shift) I thought ‘oh you wait until my hubby hears this he is going to have a fit’ I was wrong he NEVER said a word to his mother. I was furious (again too long of a story) now fast forward to Jan 2003, my mother dies very suddenly (she was 49). My dad travels with us to her funeral – that was probably the closest I felt to my dad and I thought okay new starts great! Well on my mom’s birthday a couple of months later my dad remarries. I was distraught as it was the first birthday without my mom, I am attending my dad’s wedding and it’s a biker wedding which brings up a whole bunch of memories, dealing with the memories flying at me, my mom’s birthday, keeping a VERY close eye on my children!! Right after the ceremony my new step-mother turned to me and said “quit being a little B****, your mother is gone deal with, quit being selfish and quit your damn pouting” my dad was standing right there, he NEVER said a word except to get mad at me.

    Later that weekend I was reading my Bible….The Book of Matthew and I remembering reading a verse that said “if others cause you to sin….stay away from them” (I am paraphrasing of course) so I said to my husband – “do you think this means I can quit being around my family, b/c whenever I am with them I get hateful thoughts” he said to me “why does this matter to you so much that you want to find a scripture that tells you it’s okay to not have any contact with your family.” I said “it’s not that! It’s that for once, once in my life I want someone to LOVE ME, to stand up for me, to fight for ME. My dad didn’t do it, you never did it with your family, I just want to know that I am worth something to someone” and I kid you not I heard a voice not in my head, but an actual voice as if there was another person in the room say to me:

    “Veronica, I did” it stopped my cold – I looked around and my eyes turned to the Cross hanging on my bedroom wall. Oh I can’t even describe to you what that did for me and what it did to me!!!! I just started crying like never before (even now recounting the story I am remembering exactly how I felt). Three little words held so much: I did love you that much, I died for you, I love you that much now, My death wasn’t for nothing, I stood up for you against all evil that day on the Cross, you don’t need anyone else’s love. 

    Oh how could I forget that day until right now! It’s all floodiing back, it’s taking away the horrible memories, it’s reminding me that in HIM I AM TOTALLY HEALED, LOVED AND WORTHY OF HIS MERCY, GRACE, FORGIVENESS AND LOVE!!!!!

    Thank you sooooo much for asking this question. I had forgotten that in the day to day life I forgot that day and the sweet peace that flowed through me!!! Wow, last night I relived another such day and this morning I relived this wonderful day – God is so good to give me these reminders!!!

*  My post ~ It’s a new day!!! It’s a day to start new beginnings or stay stuck in the past. I am taking Melissa’s point of view – I am going to mix it up and believe only good things, Praise the LORD in all I do today (even my housecleaning). I have been stuck too long in the negativity and mixing it up means NO MORE NEGATIVE thoughts, actions or words!!!  I am also going to use the reminder from Michelle and CHOSE to follow God instead of reacting to people. Oh I am excited for this day!!!! Spring in my step, a smile on my face and only God’s promises in my mind.

*  My post ~ After praying the prayer for chapter 2 twice today, I have to say for me I need the prayer of: “You are the One who will fill all the empty and hurting places in our hearts”. I so want to fill the emptiness inside me with the LORD!!!

*  Just picked up the mail and so excited ~ my book came in (I had been using my NOOK)!~ It felt like Christmas morning Thank you so much Wendy for the sweet note you wrote in my book and the scripture verse ~ can I just say WOW, it really opened my eyes and it was absolutely PERFECT for me Thank you so much.  Thank you Melissa for this study and soooo much more. I hope you are feeling better this afternoon and that you have a fantastic weekend. I can’t thank you and Wendy enough for everything!  The Scripture that was wrote by Wendy in my book was Isaiah 40:28-30:

• Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  HE does not faint or grow weary; HIS understanding is unsearchable.  HE gives power to the faint, and to HIM who has no might HE increases strength.  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted.

Have a good night and enjoy your Saturday, I will not be posting tomorrow but will be going to the Princess Di Exhibit at Union Station, with my hubby, daughter and one of bestest closest friend.  Will miss my other bestest and closest friend.  Please pray for her as she has a broken foot and infection in both eyes. 

My prayer for this evening:

• This day has seen YOUR glory in the works of man in the providence of YOUR graces, O LORD, and, thought the shadows grow deeper, may the brightness of YOUR love shine upon us still in the quiet of our rest.  Protect us, LORD, until the new dawn and the wonder of our coming to YOU in the glory of YOUR promise.  Amen!